I have had a ridiculously hard time doing much of anything the last few years especially in terms of drawing.(For some reason, exercising and dieting weren't. I'd be curious to know what that says about me or where those desires are stored in the brain.) It was incredibly hard to focus on anything and it was way too easy to say to myself "it wasn't good enough" or "I wasn't talented enough". (Not that this isn't an issue when I'm not depressed.) Many projects, both personal and with others, fell by the wayside because I just couldn't get myself going. To those people I apologize.
The shocking thing was how taking a B12 nasal spray almost immediately snapped me out of it. I had lost my ability to hope. It was inhibited. It came on so slowly I just figured I was suffering from a thirty something's expectation vs. reality.
Coming out of the fog was odd. We tend to take hope for granted, and it was strange feeling that sensation and having to identify it because I hadn't felt it in so long.
I'm lucky. I get to take a nasal spray and return to a normal frame of reference. For those of you I know that have problems with depression because of more than a vitamin deficiency, I truly hope that one day you find your nasal spray or at least you have a network of patient and loving people around you.
At this point you may be asking yourself about the art. A friend had posted on facebook about starting a drawing group, specifically a 30 days of drawing challenge. Seeing as how I was effectively frozen in anxiety and fear for so long it seemed a fitting way to re-enter the world. There were 30 themes for 30 days, and outside of one day where I was too drunk and too far away from my drawing supplies, (Thanks Matt and Shannon) I accomplished this feat. Hope you Enjoy it as much as I did.
Thanks Janet :)
As usual clicking on the images will show you a larger version. Right clicking and selecting "view image" will show you the picture at its true size.
Day1: Self-Portrait.
Day 18: Text ( I was out of time exhausted and uninspired. You can see some of what I drew and erased on the page. In the end, my solution, which I thought was quite clever at the time, was to riff on Duchamp's Fountain.
